What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
