It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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