If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
