she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize