This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
