need another drink. this is the easiest way
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
The police scanner is talking about you again....
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
