there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
