If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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