there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
