you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
