Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
This house was built for laser tag.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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