Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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