Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
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