I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
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Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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