I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor