Texts From Last Night

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  (512): View more from Texas

  hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?

  (1-512): View more from Texas

  yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.

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  (512): hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one? (1-512): yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go. http://tfl.nu/pwrk
  Replies (18) Good night (3881) Bad night (733)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.

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  (605): I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix. http://tfl.nu/17el
  Replies (7) Good night (2685) Bad night (820)
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  (408): View more from California

  Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.

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  (408): Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0. http://tfl.nu/rypw
  Replies (30) Good night (4595) Bad night (918)
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  (949): View more from California

  if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous

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  (949): if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous http://tfl.nu/ia7j
  Replies (28) Good night (9088) Bad night (1134)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.

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  (412): he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along. http://tfl.nu/2jm5
  Replies (32) Good night (1629) Bad night (5307)
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  (707): View more from California

  Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.

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  (707): Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty. http://tfl.nu/vu49
  Replies (8) Good night (3422) Bad night (842)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.

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  (615): There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night. http://tfl.nu/q563
  Replies (2) Good night (819) Bad night (1841)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing

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  (512): studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing http://tfl.nu/zch9
  Replies (12) Good night (1642) Bad night (755)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.

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  (503): He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success. http://tfl.nu/fztg
  Replies (8) Good night (1133) Bad night (540)
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  (776): View more from

  My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.

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  (776): My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today. http://tfl.nu/rxf7
  Replies (0) Good night (1099) Bad night (509)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.

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  (734): She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night. http://tfl.nu/qun7
  Replies (5) Good night (964) Bad night (645)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.

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  (270): You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs. http://tfl.nu/j0k2
  Replies (16) Good night (1763) Bad night (454)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.

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  (816): Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard. http://tfl.nu/x9vd
  Replies (1) Good night (547) Bad night (264)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.

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  (832): I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie. http://tfl.nu/pzlb
  Replies (0) Good night (230) Bad night (346)
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  (707): View more from California

  You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation

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  (707): You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation http://tfl.nu/8r16
  Replies (0) Good night (511) Bad night (225)

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