I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
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I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
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Good thing I've started drinking again
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.