i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
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His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
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Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.