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• (765): View more from Indiana

  he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.

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• (360): View more from Washington

  So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.

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• (718): View more from New York

  You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.

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• (850): View more from Florida

  you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.

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  27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst

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• (225): View more from Louisiana

  wtf

  (1-225): View more from Louisiana

  I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?

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• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'

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• (540): View more from Virginia

  I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.

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• (540): View more from Virginia

  I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.

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• (310): View more from California

  She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.

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  These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities

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• (858): View more from California

  We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.

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• (817): View more from Texas

  she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable

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• (971): View more from Oregon

  I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.

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• (512): View more from Texas

  So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.

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• (856): View more from New Jersey

  He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad

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• (740): View more from Ohio

  I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless

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