pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
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I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
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The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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