I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
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Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
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Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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