im six kinds of drunk right now
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
