i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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