thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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