Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
