Princesses don't give blow jobs
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
