I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
