So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
