my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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