Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
