An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
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At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
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My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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