I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
