Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
