I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
babies were throwing up all over the place
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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