; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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