..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
