the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
