I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
