Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
