Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
