FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
