I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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