Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
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