he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
