and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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