that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
