i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
