OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
