we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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