Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
