I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
