your parents love me but you hate me
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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