And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
