First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
