Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
