Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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