Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
