hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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