Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
