My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
How does one acquire holy water?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
