i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
