8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Randomize
