Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
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Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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