wat bout pragnant strippers??
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize