Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
