She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
