What a fucking waste of an outfit
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
